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When we say the words, “I do,” we never imagine that one day those words will turn into, “It’s over.” But the statistics point to the fact that many marriages do not make it. In fact, the CDC reports that 42% of marriages have a high probability of ending in divorce. Why Should You Consider […]
When we say the words, “I do,” we never imagine that one day those words will turn into, “It’s over.” But the statistics point to the fact that many marriages do not make it. In fact, the CDC reports that 42% of marriages have a high probability of ending in divorce.
When a marriage ends, it typically leaves one or both partners wondering, “what happened?” As a major life transition, divorce can be traumatic and mentally, physically, and emotionally draining.
Therapy offers individuals powerful coping skills that can help them navigate their overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Therapy offers a safe space to explore and share your feelings so you can make sense of them yourself. It’s a way for people to have a healthier outlook on their divorce and become empowered during a very difficult time.
Every situation is unique and will require the right type of therapy:
Individual Therapy
Individual therapy is incredibly helpful for those people experiencing depression or anxiety, or who view the divorce as a personal failure. This type of therapy can help you discover your own needs and a better understanding of who you are.
Couples Therapy
Divorce will never be easy. But with the proper guidance, the lines of communication can stay open and the separation can remain constructive and amicable. A therapist can help you both navigate those hard decisions such as financial obligations and co-parenting.
Family Therapy
Children are, of course, deeply affected by a divorce, and often the parents are too consumed in their own emotions to offer proper guidance. Family therapy can help the entire family deal with the feelings of loss and grief.
Mediation
Settling a divorce in court can be costly and exhausting. Many couples choose to mediate their own divorce through the help of a trained therapist. Mediation not only costs less and typically takes far less time than divorce litigation, but it may also help improve your lines of communication as you both move forward.
If you are going through a divorce and would like to discuss treatment options, please get in touch with me.
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You often hear about the importance of supporting your immune system. But did you know that 80% of your immune system is actually located in your gastrointestinal tract – AKA your “gut”? That’s why it’s so incredibly important to make sure you optimize your gut health! Gut Health Relies on a Healthy Microbiome The real […]
You often hear about the importance of supporting your immune system. But did you know that 80% of your immune system is actually located in your gastrointestinal tract – AKA your “gut”? That’s why it’s so incredibly important to make sure you optimize your gut health!
The real stars of your gut are tiny microorganisms that include protozoa, fungi, bacteria, and other kinds of single-celled organisms. Now, you may see this list and think, “Ew, I don’t want all that stuff inside my guts!” But you actually do. These microorganisms – and there are trillions of them – make up what we call your gut’s ‘microbiome.’
Your microbiome is like the Club Med for all of these microorganisms that live harmoniously with one another, helping your body to be as healthy as possible. Or at least, that’s the way nature intended.
But sometimes our gut flora can become unbalanced and there will suddenly be a proliferation of harmful bacteria. You see, you want helpful (probiotic) bacteria in your gut. But when the bad guys move in, problems arise.
So how does your microbiome become unbalanced? Mostly through poor lifestyle choices like eating too many processed foods, drinking sodas, and being stressed out.
And of course, if you’ve ever taken one or more courses of antibiotics, they not only killed off the bad bacteria in your body but also the beneficial bacteria in your gut.
So, what can you do to improve your gut health?
Sugars, both natural and artificial sweeteners, have been found to have a negative impact on your gut flora. So, start by cutting out sugar as much as possible. Also, incorporate fermented foods like Kim Chi and Sauerkraut to replenish the probiotics. And finally, eat plenty of fiber since bacteria love eating it!
It’s not always easy to do, but try your best as stress negatively impacts your entire digestive tract. Also, when we’re stressed, we tend to eat the wrong kinds of foods, laden with sugar and trans fats.
A 2019 study by the Physiological Society showed that exercise may have a positive impact on the diversity, cluster, activity, and presence of gut bacteria.
The bottom line is, the more you take care of your gut, the more it will take care of you.
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In a perfect world, marriages would never dissolve. But divorce is a reality and one that impacts everyone involved, including the children. To help children feel safe and secure during the weeks and months that follow a divorce, it is important that both parties work together to come up with a co-parenting plan. Keeping Your […]
In a perfect world, marriages would never dissolve. But divorce is a reality and one that impacts everyone involved, including the children. To help children feel safe and secure during the weeks and months that follow a divorce, it is important that both parties work together to come up with a co-parenting plan.
Simply put, a co-parenting plan is a comprehensive document that outlines how parents will continue to raise their children after a separation or divorce. This document will lay out things like how much time children will spend with each parent, how decisions – both major and minor – will be made moving forward, how the information will be shared and exchanged, and more.
While there are no hard and fast rules as to how a co-parenting plan should be formatted or what information should be included, it is vitally important to approach the plan’s development with your children’s best interests in mind. To create a helpful document, all issues, emotions, and pettiness should be put aside, and the focus should remain on what is best for your children.
It’s important to mention that co-parenting plans may differ from state to state. Having said that, most will include the following five clauses:
1. A Brief General Statement
The plan will typically open with a general statement that the parents will be sharing responsibilities of parenting the child or children. This includes shared decision-making and shared daily routines.
2. Outline Parental Responsibilities
In this section, parents agree to communicate on all important aspects of the children’s welfare. This can include making decisions regarding health, education, and religious upbringing.
3. Specifics
This section can cover how you will actually arrange to time-share. This includes routine time, activity time, overnight stays, etc.
4. Holidays
Outline how you and your ex will handle holidays and other special observances.
5. Time Period and Amendments
All co-parenting plans should mention the length of the agreement and that the plan will need to be re-examined and possibly adjusted from time to time moving forward.
Again, these are very general guidelines. Your plan can be more explicit and specific to your situation.
To create the right plan for your family, it’s recommended that you get some guidance. While a lawyer can help you with specific legalities, a family counselor can help you with communication. After all, you will need to navigate your emotions and be able to hear and be heard for the best interests of your children. A therapist can facilitate healthy and clear communication.
If you’d like to work with a family counselor to create a co-parenting plan that will help you both raise happy and successful children, please reach out to me.
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Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a loved one by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being. As an example, a parent may have a hard […]
Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a loved one by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being.
As an example, a parent may have a hard time setting healthy boundaries by telling their grown addict son or daughter their behavior is unwelcomed and they must move out. This is a bit of a lose/lose scenario because enabling this bad behavior stalls recovery and only perpetuates the problem. In addition, the codependent parent puts themselves in harm’s way, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps even physically.
Codependency often stems from an individual’s low self-esteem, excessive need to please, and an inability to set boundaries. Codependents feel responsible for others’ problems and will take them on, despite the personal toll it may cost them.
Codependency is usually developed in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where your emotions were either ignored or punished, you most likely developed low self-esteem, believing your needs didn’t matter.
Many codependents had parents who, for some reason, were unable to fulfill their role as caretakers. This dysfunction is usually the result of addiction, depression, narcissism, or other issues. In this situation, the child is forced to take on responsibilities beyond their years, taking care of younger siblings and even their own parent(s).
When we’re young, codependent behaviors are a survival mechanism. But as we become adults, these same behaviors prevent us from experiencing healthy relationships.
Codependent people will typically one or more telltale codependency signs:
If you can relate to one or more of these signs, there is a good chance you may be suffering from codependency.
The good news is, by committing to your own personal development and well-being, and working with a therapist who specializes in codependency, you can have a profound recovery that ultimately leads to peace, fulfillment, and true connections with others.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
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In recent decades, mindfulness meditation has taken the West by storm. As a result, more and more people are experiencing less stress and more fulfillment in their life by “staying in the moment.” Well, mindfulness can be applied to any area of your life, including eating! You may have heard of mindful eating before and […]
In recent decades, mindfulness meditation has taken the West by storm. As a result, more and more people are experiencing less stress and more fulfillment in their life by “staying in the moment.” Well, mindfulness can be applied to any area of your life, including eating!
You may have heard of mindful eating before and assumed it had something to do with eating more slowly and chewing your food longer. And while these two considerations are part of the practice, they only scratch the surface.
You may be wondering why you should even begin to explore mindful eating. Well, the main reason is that the practice can help you to lose weight and easily maintain a healthy weight. This of course helps you to prevent the development of certain chronic diseases such as hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.
Health benefits aside, mindful eating also puts a lot of joy in your life. Most people no longer savor their meals but instead wolf them down while mindlessly watching TV or surfing the Internet. Mindful eating reminds you to savor your food and, in reality, savor every moment of this delicious life!
If you’re interested in mindful eating, here are some guidelines to help get you started:
Mindful eating makes dieting a thing of the past and empowers people to make better food choices through common sense and enjoying the experience of eating. I encourage you to give mindful eating a try and see if it can’t benefit your health and overall well-being.
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According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), roughly two-thirds of adolescents and teens report experiencing at least one traumatic event by the age of 16. Luckily, a qualified therapist can help kids navigate and process their emotions related to the trauma. Ramifications of Childhood Trauma Whether it’s physical or sexual abuse, […]
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), roughly two-thirds of adolescents and teens report experiencing at least one traumatic event by the age of 16. Luckily, a qualified therapist can help kids navigate and process their emotions related to the trauma.
Whether it’s physical or sexual abuse, emotional neglect, homelessness, or the sudden loss of a loved one, childhood trauma leaves a lasting impact on the child and even the adult they grow into. While everyone handles trauma differently, there are some common symptoms experienced by most. These include:
As I mentioned, there are treatment options that can help kids decrease their symptoms and learn how to cope with triggers.
1. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
Cognitive processing therapy (CPT) is related to the more well-known cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and is a go-to treatment for many therapists when addressing the effects of PTSD. With this particular treatment approach, a therapist will help the child or adult process the trauma as well as offer tools to identify and address negative thinking related to traumatic events.
2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR is an effective treatment for helping people process trauma. A therapist leads the client through a series of repetitive eye movements that help them re-pattern memories of trauma. Before the eye movements begin, the therapist will take time to gather the client’s history, assess, and prepare them so the desensitization has the best chance of working.
3. Play therapy
For very young children that have experienced trauma, it can be intimidating to open up and vocalize their thoughts and emotions. Using the therapeutic power of play, therapists help children as young as 3 work through their trauma.
If you or someone you love has experienced trauma in childhood and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how therapy can help you move through the pain and live your best life.
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We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change. And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable? Think of the amount of courage […]
We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change.
And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable?
Think of the amount of courage it takes to allow yourself to be in a position where your heart might get broken. To say “I love you” first. How much courage does it take to put yourself out there and make new friends? Go for that promotion? Rely on others instead of only ourselves?
We know the obvious benefits of courage. Wars are won, bad guys are put in jail, people are saved from burning buildings. But how can we benefit from being vulnerable?
More Intimacy
Opening up to another human being and sharing your deepest emotions is what ultimately builds healthy and lasting relationships. When we expose our authentic selves, we set ourselves up for potential heartache, yes, but also for ultimate connection.
Better Self-Worth
Being vulnerable also allows us to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all. This helps us to STOP comparing ourselves to others and experience a tremendous boost in our self-esteem and self-worth.
It Begets Compassion
Getting comfortable with our own vulnerability means we can also be comfortable with others’. And this means, in those times when the people in our lives show their vulnerability to us, we can respond with compassion.
Start the Journey
As they say, every journey starts with a single step. Your journey toward embracing your own vulnerabilities will also start with a single step. This may mean spending more quiet time alone. It may mean the next time a good friend asks, “How are you?” you tell them the truth.
It may also mean digging deep and uncovering some old wounds and darkness that you have been ignoring. And for this part of the journey, you may want to consider seeking guidance from a trained therapist who can offer tools and advice.
If you’d like some assistance on your journey, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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We’ve all had those days when the alarm goes off and we lie in bed, feeling depleted of our energy, and maybe even our good mood. We think to ourselves, “I’m not really sick, but I just need a break from real life today.” While taking a sick day is common when you are feeling […]
We’ve all had those days when the alarm goes off and we lie in bed, feeling depleted of our energy, and maybe even our good mood. We think to ourselves, “I’m not really sick, but I just need a break from real life today.” While taking a sick day is common when you are feeling physically unwell, what’s not as common – but perhaps should be – is taking a mental health day when you are feeling mentally and emotionally unwell.
Now many, if not most, companies do offer their employees personal days with no questions asked. But many people save these days for what seems like real-life emergencies. They feel guilty if they use one of these days to simply rest and relax their mind.
The truth is, taking a mental health day from work or school can be extremely important for your overall well-being. It can help you avoid burnout, improve your mood, help you get some much-needed rest, and rejuvenate you so you can tackle “real life” once again.
So how do you know when you are really in need of a mental health day and when you’re just feeling a bit lazy and unmotivated?
Stress
You’ve been feeling overwhelmed and irritable.
You Just Feel… Off
Sometimes we don’t feel like ourselves, but we can’t quite put our finger on what’s wrong. We know we feel anxious and like the world is a bit too much. This is a sure sign you need a break.
Getting Sick More Often
Are you dealing with a cold that “just won’t go away?” When we are stressed, our immune systems become compromised, and it’s harder for us to fight off the common cold.
The bottom line is you should never feel guilty for taking some time for your mental health. I encourage you to take a mental health day every once in a while. Sometimes it’s the absolute best thing we can do for ourselves.
And if you find a mental health day didn’t quite do the trick, you may have more going on in your life that requires more hands-on treatment. If you like the idea of speaking with someone about whatever is bothering you, please get in touch with me so we can discuss treatment options.
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July is BIPOC mental health month. The event was established in 2008 as the Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month in an effort to create awareness of the unique struggles faced by underrepresented groups in the United States. Campbell was an author, teacher, and mental health advocate with a mission to shine […]
July is BIPOC mental health month. The event was established in 2008 as the Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month in an effort to create awareness of the unique struggles faced by underrepresented groups in the United States. Campbell was an author, teacher, and mental health advocate with a mission to shine a light on the mental health issues of minority communities.
BIPOC mental health month seeks to continue the visionary work of Campbell by developing public education campaigns that bring awareness to as many people as possible while also addressing the needs of BIPOC.
According to the Mental Health America organization, over 15 million BIPOC have reported they struggle with mental health issues. Unfortunately, many of these people face roadblocks to seeking the treatment they so desperately need.
Far too often people in the BIPOC community refuse to seek help for their mental health issues because they belong to a culture that has a social stigma surrounding therapy. For instance, in some BIPOC communities, admitting you need help means you are “crazy” or “weak.”
Often, people within the BIPOC community do not speak English. If these people live in smaller, rural communities in the United States, they may not have access to clinicians who speak a foreign language. In addition, according to the American Psychological Association, 86% of psychologists in the United States are White. With so few BIPOC people becoming therapists themselves, it can then be hard for others within their community to find a therapist who understands their culture and specific challenges.
Individuals within the BIPOC community often face a lack of resources to even begin learning about mental health and the specific issues they may be facing. One such resource is the National Alliance of Mental Illness. If you are a member of the BIPOC community, please share this resource with others.
If you or someone you know is a part of the BIPOC community and suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD, or any other mental health disorder and would like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
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When two people decide to separate or divorce, the first question they usually must answer is, “What’s best for the children?” Well, according to the Third International Conference on Shared Parenting, co-sponsored by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting, children need both parents in their life, no matter how those […]
When two people decide to separate or divorce, the first question they usually must answer is, “What’s best for the children?” Well, according to the Third International Conference on Shared Parenting, co-sponsored by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting, children need both parents in their life, no matter how those two adults feel about each other. It is for this reason that most child health experts agree that co-parenting is in the best interests of children of divorce.
The latest research indicates that children of divorce, who have parents who agree to co-parent, can grow up just as well and adjusted as those children from homes where parents had successful marriages. They may actually fair a little better and have a lower divorce rate themselves and be more successful in their careers. Why is this?
Children that come from co-parenting learn how to proactively create good situations. They also see their parents working together for THEIR benefit, which gives them a healthy sense of self-worth. And, seeing parents successfully communicating with one another teaches them how to have good relationships with others.
Co-parenting will take some practice to get it right. Here are some tips for you and your parenting partner:
Make a Commitment
This journey will be bumpy. Make a commitment to your children and promise to have open and honest communication where their well-being is concerned.
Have Rules
Rules for each household should be agreed upon at the very beginning. Your children will test you both. Rules will help to ensure routine and structure, which they need greatly.
Avoid Negative Talk
While you may have issues with your ex, that is still your child’s parent. Refrain from “trash talking” the other around your children.
Seek Counsel
If you need help with lines of communication or help putting in place a comprehensive co-parenting plan, I encourage you to seek the guidance of a trained family therapist. He or she can navigate these choppy waters so everything is done with your child’s best interests in mind.
If you’d like to work with a family therapist who is caring, nurturing, and never judgmental, please reach out to my office.
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