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Resources for Couples

There are many different approaches to helping couples.  Some approaches are better suited for different types of couples and situations.  

The most important and helpful couples work you can do is your own work.  

The most common barrier to couples therapy success is when partners are not willing to do their own deeper work to better understand themselves personally and in relationships.  When they stay stuck in trying to change or blame their partner, they cannot progress.  They also don't realize that the reason they can't get their partner to understand them is because they don't truly understand themselves.  Once they do, it's much easier to help others understand as well.

Therefore, if you are looking at this page on your own, please know that it's a wonderful thing for you to do for yourself and your relationship, even if you're the only one.  

Explore some of these credible resources and see if any of this information is helpful, or helps you know what type of therapy you might like to explore

Leaders in the field of couples therapy:

The Gottman Institute:  John & Julie Gottman are known for amazing research about couples and predictors of divorce.  They offer clarity about what behaviors cause divorce, and what is necessary for relationships to last.  Their site contains many tools, courses, and resources for skill building and behavioral change.  Directory of trained therapists available. 

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy: Lead by Dr. Sue Johnson, this model is focused on intimacy, deep emotional processing and connection, and attachment bonds.  This model is great for couples who are ready for a deeper experience in therapy beyond skill building.   There are many books, videos, and resources that can be insightful on your journey.  Directory of trained therapists available. 

Esther Perel: She has become well known for her work with intimacy, infidelity, and sexual relationships as well as diversity in relationships.  She has books, workshops, TedTalks, podcasts and more that can be challenging and life changing by opening people up to new perspectives on relationships and the complexity of our human experience.  She is multi-lingual and is a child of parents who were both the sole survivors of their families from the Holocaust.  That has given her a very deep and dynamic interest and understanding of people, life, and relationships which is worth listening to. 

Imago Relationship Therapy: Created by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt.  They are well known for their book Getting the Love You Want.  They have multiple resources on their site and their approach has been helping thousands of couples for many years.  Their approach also has some very clear scripts to follow and skills to learn while also gaining a deeper understanding of yourself in relationships.  

Relational Life Institute:  Created by Terry Real, this is another resourceful site with workshops, books, and more.  This model is helpful for all types of couples, but is often also known for being a good fit for challenging or high conflict couples.  Due to it's more direct intervention style, it can be helpful for couples with more severe issues involving addiction, aggression or abuse, or narcissistic characteristics.  Directory of trained therapists available.