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Surviving Affairs

The therapy process for couples trying to recover from an affair is a bit different than other types of couples counseling.  There will likely be more of a blend between individual sessions and sessions done together.  

It is important for each partner to have a private space to work through some of the struggles that led to the affair, process what needs to be done about the affair itself, and get help with the difficult feelings as a result of the affair.  

Although privacy is respected for each partner, privacy is not the same thing as secrecy.  We will not be keeping any secrets that would impact the honesty and safety of doing therapy together.  The therapist can talk more about this in the sessions.  

Can our relationship survive an affair?

That is the most common question couples have after the discovery of an affair.

The answer is...YES!

But it's not easy, it requires a lot of patience, commitment, and hard work to do what it takes to repair your relationship.  Depending on the circumstances, an affair can be quite traumatic for the betrayed partner and the relationship, like a sudden death, leading to quite similar experiences of fear, panic, confusion, anger, and grief.

It is very important to understand what kind of impact an affair can have on your partner, your relationship, and yourself.

Can I survive my partner's affair, even if my relationship doesn't?

This is probably the next most common question when one is really struggling  to recover from the trauma of feeling so violated, betrayed, and powerless.

Again, the answer is yes, you will survive.  But you have suffered a great loss that may bring with it a lot of grief and mourning.  Even if your relationship survives, you have lost a sense of security, your trust in your partner, and the relationship you thought you had.  Whether you decide to stay in this relationship or not, you will need a lot of support from people you trust.


Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass

After the Affair by Janice A. Spring

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

TED Talk by Esther Perel based on her book: