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In a perfect world, marriages would never dissolve. But divorce is a reality and one that impacts everyone involved, including the children. To help children feel safe and secure during the weeks and months that follow a divorce, it is important that both parties work together to come up with a co-parenting plan. Keeping Your […]
In a perfect world, marriages would never dissolve. But divorce is a reality and one that impacts everyone involved, including the children. To help children feel safe and secure during the weeks and months that follow a divorce, it is important that both parties work together to come up with a co-parenting plan.
Simply put, a co-parenting plan is a comprehensive document that outlines how parents will continue to raise their children after a separation or divorce. This document will lay out things like how much time children will spend with each parent, how decisions – both major and minor – will be made moving forward, how the information will be shared and exchanged, and more.
While there are no hard and fast rules as to how a co-parenting plan should be formatted or what information should be included, it is vitally important to approach the plan’s development with your children’s best interests in mind. To create a helpful document, all issues, emotions, and pettiness should be put aside, and the focus should remain on what is best for your children.
It’s important to mention that co-parenting plans may differ from state to state. Having said that, most will include the following five clauses:
1. A Brief General Statement
The plan will typically open with a general statement that the parents will be sharing responsibilities of parenting the child or children. This includes shared decision-making and shared daily routines.
2. Outline Parental Responsibilities
In this section, parents agree to communicate on all important aspects of the children’s welfare. This can include making decisions regarding health, education, and religious upbringing.
3. Specifics
This section can cover how you will actually arrange to time-share. This includes routine time, activity time, overnight stays, etc.
4. Holidays
Outline how you and your ex will handle holidays and other special observances.
5. Time Period and Amendments
All co-parenting plans should mention the length of the agreement and that the plan will need to be re-examined and possibly adjusted from time to time moving forward.
Again, these are very general guidelines. Your plan can be more explicit and specific to your situation.
To create the right plan for your family, it’s recommended that you get some guidance. While a lawyer can help you with specific legalities, a family counselor can help you with communication. After all, you will need to navigate your emotions and be able to hear and be heard for the best interests of your children. A therapist can facilitate healthy and clear communication.
If you’d like to work with a family counselor to create a co-parenting plan that will help you both raise happy and successful children, please reach out to me.
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Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a loved one by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being. As an example, a parent may have a hard […]
Codependency is a term that describes an unhealthy or unbalanced relationship where one person’s needs are met while the others aren’t. Codependent people are said to “enable” the bad behavior of a loved one by supporting them, no matter if it negatively affects their own well-being.
As an example, a parent may have a hard time setting healthy boundaries by telling their grown addict son or daughter their behavior is unwelcomed and they must move out. This is a bit of a lose/lose scenario because enabling this bad behavior stalls recovery and only perpetuates the problem. In addition, the codependent parent puts themselves in harm’s way, mentally, emotionally, and perhaps even physically.
Codependency often stems from an individual’s low self-esteem, excessive need to please, and an inability to set boundaries. Codependents feel responsible for others’ problems and will take them on, despite the personal toll it may cost them.
Codependency is usually developed in childhood. If you grew up in an environment where your emotions were either ignored or punished, you most likely developed low self-esteem, believing your needs didn’t matter.
Many codependents had parents who, for some reason, were unable to fulfill their role as caretakers. This dysfunction is usually the result of addiction, depression, narcissism, or other issues. In this situation, the child is forced to take on responsibilities beyond their years, taking care of younger siblings and even their own parent(s).
When we’re young, codependent behaviors are a survival mechanism. But as we become adults, these same behaviors prevent us from experiencing healthy relationships.
Codependent people will typically one or more telltale codependency signs:
If you can relate to one or more of these signs, there is a good chance you may be suffering from codependency.
The good news is, by committing to your own personal development and well-being, and working with a therapist who specializes in codependency, you can have a profound recovery that ultimately leads to peace, fulfillment, and true connections with others.
If you’d like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
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In recent decades, mindfulness meditation has taken the West by storm. As a result, more and more people are experiencing less stress and more fulfillment in their life by “staying in the moment.” Well, mindfulness can be applied to any area of your life, including eating! You may have heard of mindful eating before and […]
In recent decades, mindfulness meditation has taken the West by storm. As a result, more and more people are experiencing less stress and more fulfillment in their life by “staying in the moment.” Well, mindfulness can be applied to any area of your life, including eating!
You may have heard of mindful eating before and assumed it had something to do with eating more slowly and chewing your food longer. And while these two considerations are part of the practice, they only scratch the surface.
You may be wondering why you should even begin to explore mindful eating. Well, the main reason is that the practice can help you to lose weight and easily maintain a healthy weight. This of course helps you to prevent the development of certain chronic diseases such as hypertension, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.
Health benefits aside, mindful eating also puts a lot of joy in your life. Most people no longer savor their meals but instead wolf them down while mindlessly watching TV or surfing the Internet. Mindful eating reminds you to savor your food and, in reality, savor every moment of this delicious life!
If you’re interested in mindful eating, here are some guidelines to help get you started:
Mindful eating makes dieting a thing of the past and empowers people to make better food choices through common sense and enjoying the experience of eating. I encourage you to give mindful eating a try and see if it can’t benefit your health and overall well-being.
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According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), roughly two-thirds of adolescents and teens report experiencing at least one traumatic event by the age of 16. Luckily, a qualified therapist can help kids navigate and process their emotions related to the trauma. Ramifications of Childhood Trauma Whether it’s physical or sexual abuse, […]
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), roughly two-thirds of adolescents and teens report experiencing at least one traumatic event by the age of 16. Luckily, a qualified therapist can help kids navigate and process their emotions related to the trauma.
Whether it’s physical or sexual abuse, emotional neglect, homelessness, or the sudden loss of a loved one, childhood trauma leaves a lasting impact on the child and even the adult they grow into. While everyone handles trauma differently, there are some common symptoms experienced by most. These include:
As I mentioned, there are treatment options that can help kids decrease their symptoms and learn how to cope with triggers.
1. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)
Cognitive processing therapy (CPT) is related to the more well-known cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and is a go-to treatment for many therapists when addressing the effects of PTSD. With this particular treatment approach, a therapist will help the child or adult process the trauma as well as offer tools to identify and address negative thinking related to traumatic events.
2. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
EMDR is an effective treatment for helping people process trauma. A therapist leads the client through a series of repetitive eye movements that help them re-pattern memories of trauma. Before the eye movements begin, the therapist will take time to gather the client’s history, assess, and prepare them so the desensitization has the best chance of working.
3. Play therapy
For very young children that have experienced trauma, it can be intimidating to open up and vocalize their thoughts and emotions. Using the therapeutic power of play, therapists help children as young as 3 work through their trauma.
If you or someone you love has experienced trauma in childhood and would like to explore treatment options, please get in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how therapy can help you move through the pain and live your best life.
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We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change. And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable? Think of the amount of courage […]
We live in a society that rewards those with courage and valor. We are taught from a young age that it’s good to face our fears, for doing so is often the catalyst for powerful and lasting change.
And yet, how many of us allow ourselves to be vulnerable?
Think of the amount of courage it takes to allow yourself to be in a position where your heart might get broken. To say “I love you” first. How much courage does it take to put yourself out there and make new friends? Go for that promotion? Rely on others instead of only ourselves?
We know the obvious benefits of courage. Wars are won, bad guys are put in jail, people are saved from burning buildings. But how can we benefit from being vulnerable?
More Intimacy
Opening up to another human being and sharing your deepest emotions is what ultimately builds healthy and lasting relationships. When we expose our authentic selves, we set ourselves up for potential heartache, yes, but also for ultimate connection.
Better Self-Worth
Being vulnerable also allows us to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all. This helps us to STOP comparing ourselves to others and experience a tremendous boost in our self-esteem and self-worth.
It Begets Compassion
Getting comfortable with our own vulnerability means we can also be comfortable with others’. And this means, in those times when the people in our lives show their vulnerability to us, we can respond with compassion.
Start the Journey
As they say, every journey starts with a single step. Your journey toward embracing your own vulnerabilities will also start with a single step. This may mean spending more quiet time alone. It may mean the next time a good friend asks, “How are you?” you tell them the truth.
It may also mean digging deep and uncovering some old wounds and darkness that you have been ignoring. And for this part of the journey, you may want to consider seeking guidance from a trained therapist who can offer tools and advice.
If you’d like some assistance on your journey, please get in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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We’ve all had those days when the alarm goes off and we lie in bed, feeling depleted of our energy, and maybe even our good mood. We think to ourselves, “I’m not really sick, but I just need a break from real life today.” While taking a sick day is common when you are feeling […]
We’ve all had those days when the alarm goes off and we lie in bed, feeling depleted of our energy, and maybe even our good mood. We think to ourselves, “I’m not really sick, but I just need a break from real life today.” While taking a sick day is common when you are feeling physically unwell, what’s not as common – but perhaps should be – is taking a mental health day when you are feeling mentally and emotionally unwell.
Now many, if not most, companies do offer their employees personal days with no questions asked. But many people save these days for what seems like real-life emergencies. They feel guilty if they use one of these days to simply rest and relax their mind.
The truth is, taking a mental health day from work or school can be extremely important for your overall well-being. It can help you avoid burnout, improve your mood, help you get some much-needed rest, and rejuvenate you so you can tackle “real life” once again.
So how do you know when you are really in need of a mental health day and when you’re just feeling a bit lazy and unmotivated?
Stress
You’ve been feeling overwhelmed and irritable.
You Just Feel… Off
Sometimes we don’t feel like ourselves, but we can’t quite put our finger on what’s wrong. We know we feel anxious and like the world is a bit too much. This is a sure sign you need a break.
Getting Sick More Often
Are you dealing with a cold that “just won’t go away?” When we are stressed, our immune systems become compromised, and it’s harder for us to fight off the common cold.
The bottom line is you should never feel guilty for taking some time for your mental health. I encourage you to take a mental health day every once in a while. Sometimes it’s the absolute best thing we can do for ourselves.
And if you find a mental health day didn’t quite do the trick, you may have more going on in your life that requires more hands-on treatment. If you like the idea of speaking with someone about whatever is bothering you, please get in touch with me so we can discuss treatment options.
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July is BIPOC mental health month. The event was established in 2008 as the Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month in an effort to create awareness of the unique struggles faced by underrepresented groups in the United States. Campbell was an author, teacher, and mental health advocate with a mission to shine […]
July is BIPOC mental health month. The event was established in 2008 as the Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month in an effort to create awareness of the unique struggles faced by underrepresented groups in the United States. Campbell was an author, teacher, and mental health advocate with a mission to shine a light on the mental health issues of minority communities.
BIPOC mental health month seeks to continue the visionary work of Campbell by developing public education campaigns that bring awareness to as many people as possible while also addressing the needs of BIPOC.
According to the Mental Health America organization, over 15 million BIPOC have reported they struggle with mental health issues. Unfortunately, many of these people face roadblocks to seeking the treatment they so desperately need.
Far too often people in the BIPOC community refuse to seek help for their mental health issues because they belong to a culture that has a social stigma surrounding therapy. For instance, in some BIPOC communities, admitting you need help means you are “crazy” or “weak.”
Often, people within the BIPOC community do not speak English. If these people live in smaller, rural communities in the United States, they may not have access to clinicians who speak a foreign language. In addition, according to the American Psychological Association, 86% of psychologists in the United States are White. With so few BIPOC people becoming therapists themselves, it can then be hard for others within their community to find a therapist who understands their culture and specific challenges.
Individuals within the BIPOC community often face a lack of resources to even begin learning about mental health and the specific issues they may be facing. One such resource is the National Alliance of Mental Illness. If you are a member of the BIPOC community, please share this resource with others.
If you or someone you know is a part of the BIPOC community and suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD, or any other mental health disorder and would like to explore treatment options, please reach out to me.
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When two people decide to separate or divorce, the first question they usually must answer is, “What’s best for the children?” Well, according to the Third International Conference on Shared Parenting, co-sponsored by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting, children need both parents in their life, no matter how those […]
When two people decide to separate or divorce, the first question they usually must answer is, “What’s best for the children?” Well, according to the Third International Conference on Shared Parenting, co-sponsored by the National Parents Organization and the International Council on Shared Parenting, children need both parents in their life, no matter how those two adults feel about each other. It is for this reason that most child health experts agree that co-parenting is in the best interests of children of divorce.
The latest research indicates that children of divorce, who have parents who agree to co-parent, can grow up just as well and adjusted as those children from homes where parents had successful marriages. They may actually fair a little better and have a lower divorce rate themselves and be more successful in their careers. Why is this?
Children that come from co-parenting learn how to proactively create good situations. They also see their parents working together for THEIR benefit, which gives them a healthy sense of self-worth. And, seeing parents successfully communicating with one another teaches them how to have good relationships with others.
Co-parenting will take some practice to get it right. Here are some tips for you and your parenting partner:
Make a Commitment
This journey will be bumpy. Make a commitment to your children and promise to have open and honest communication where their well-being is concerned.
Have Rules
Rules for each household should be agreed upon at the very beginning. Your children will test you both. Rules will help to ensure routine and structure, which they need greatly.
Avoid Negative Talk
While you may have issues with your ex, that is still your child’s parent. Refrain from “trash talking” the other around your children.
Seek Counsel
If you need help with lines of communication or help putting in place a comprehensive co-parenting plan, I encourage you to seek the guidance of a trained family therapist. He or she can navigate these choppy waters so everything is done with your child’s best interests in mind.
If you’d like to work with a family therapist who is caring, nurturing, and never judgmental, please reach out to my office.
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“Because I said so!!” How many times did your parents say this phrase to you? How often were you spanked as a child? How much yelling was there in your house growing up? It’s safe to say that parenting styles have changed over the years. While spanking may have been deemed okay years ago, most […]
“Because I said so!!”
How many times did your parents say this phrase to you? How often were you spanked as a child? How much yelling was there in your house growing up?
It’s safe to say that parenting styles have changed over the years. While spanking may have been deemed okay years ago, most parents agree now that hitting a child is not okay, for any reason. Shame and yelling are also, thankfully, out of fashion.
Many of today’s parents are trying to use positive parenting techniques instead.
Positive parenting refers to a parenting style that relies on warmth, nurturing, and mindfulness. This type of parenting reinforces good behavior and avoids using harsh forms of discipline.
Positive parenting has been shown to facilitate numerous favorable outcomes. It has been linked to better grades in school, better behavior, more positive self-concepts, less substance abuse, and better overall mental health.
Positive Parenting has three main components:
How often have you had a bad day at work and yelled at your kids when you got home? It is very common for parents, either consciously or unconsciously, to take their bad emotions out on their children.
To parent positively means you have got to get a hold of your own emotions so you only interact with your child in a kind, loving, and honest manner.
2. Focus on Strengthening the Parent-Child Connection
It can be easier said than done, but each interaction with your child must strengthen the connection between you both. When a parent-child connection is strong, the child will feel safe and be able to trust.
3. Love Your Child Unconditionally
Many punishment techniques throughout the years rely on a parent “withdrawing” their love. This conditional love can cause great emotional and psychological harm to your child. Instead, focus on being a coach and mentor to your child, offering them loving guidance and reassurance to help them manage their emotions and behaviors.
It can also be very helpful to get some help from a family therapist who can help guide you in becoming the loving and compassionate parent you want to be.
If you would like to explore counseling options, please be in touch with me. I’d be happy to discuss how I may be able to help.
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When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent. But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, […]
When we’re young, life transitions are fun and empowering. We go from crawling to walking, walking to running. We start with training wheels but soon no longer need them. As we age we graduate into higher grades and become more independent.
But as adults, life transitions can feel not so fun and far from empowering, because life transitions can often include loss: loss of a job, a marriage, and loved ones. During these life transitions, we can feel out to sea, completely at the mercy of the tides that seem to be tossing our lifeboat around.
If you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed right now because you are facing one or more life transitions, here are some ways you can navigate these choppy waters:
Slow Down
Have you noticed that the pace of life has picked up? Most likely your heartbeat and breathing have also picked up as a response. It’s time to slow down.
As simple as it may sound, slow, deep breaths are a powerful way to tell your body that everything is okay. Right now, your body is in “fight or flight mode,” as you subconsciously, and maybe even consciously, feel you are being attacked. Making time each day to be still, away from the noise and chaos to breathe deeply and slowly, will slow down your heart rate and make you feel calm and peaceful.
Embrace Uncertainty
I know, it seems completely counterintuitive if not downright impossible. But when we surrender control and embrace the unknown, with an almost scientific curiosity about outcomes, we feel positive emotions (curiosity, wonder) instead of negative emotions (lost, out of control).
Acknowledge the Cycles of Life
Someone once said, “This too shall pass.” Life, like weather, has seasons. While you may feel stuck right now and like nothing is going the way you hoped or planned, recognize the truth, which is, this too shall pass. Transitions are just that, an uncomfortable bridge from one part of life to the next.
Fall Back on Traditions
Rites of passage have been used for thousands of years in all cultures to help people transition from one place in life to another. It’s time to call upon this ancient wisdom of our ancestors and empower ourselves.
Rites of passage put us in the driver’s seat. We can acknowledge that things MUST change because we intuitively understand that the human journey is all about facing challenges and becoming new versions of ourselves.
Life, such as it is, throws us curve balls and sadness and things that cast fear and doubt into our vision. This is natural and no one escapes.
But there ARE ways to navigate these challenges. Try these three tips. And if you’d like additional help along your journey, please get in touch with me.
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